
I realized I do have a lot of hatred inside me . Built up , not released .
I hate so many people around me , so many things that happened and lastly, I hate myself .
To Him *
I blame YOU for tearing me and my dad apart . We used to be so close back then when I was a kid, he would take us out for dinners . And now… he’s barely even home .
I blame YOU for giving me drugs . You said you loved me , but how can you even dare say you love me when you are actually killing me .. slowly…gently…? I still remember there was once I refused to take the ecstasy you gave me , and you threatened me . I had to give in because I wasn’t brave and strong enough to endure your slap .
I blame YOU for missing a part of my grandfather’s funeral service . I didn’t get to pick up his bones and it’s suppose to be my duty but I wasn’t there . I wasn’t there because of your selfishness, your LUST, and your ignorance . Do YOU have any idea how much this means to me ?
I blame YOU for making my mum cry . Do you know how much I love her ? She begged you to stay away from me because she knew who YOU were and what YOU were up to .
I blame YOU for my sickness . You caused me to who I was . You made me so paranoid . You cheated on me with her . You have any idea how sad I was on Valentines Day, I was stucked in One Utama with no money and phone and you were out there sleeping with her .
I blame YOU for stealing your friend’s car . YOU got us both into trouble . YOU got me into Brickfields police station and I will never forget that . And YET YOU can push the blame to me and make me feel bad . I think it’s your responsible to pay the bribe .
To myself *
I hate myself for getting into troubles all the time .
I still remember when I was in Taman Sea, I got so used to be sent to the principal’s office all the time . I still remember her name . She’s Pn. Ang , that cunt .
What people said is right , you must sharpen the kids and teach them well when they are young or they’ll turn out spoilt .
Useless I can say.
No contribution to the society .
It started with smoking cigarettes , and one thing lead to another . Basically I’m back to my old road but I’m trying my best to stop again .
When I was younger , I always come across words like, Jauhkan Diri Daripada Dadah .. I always thought that’s plain bullocks till I myself get hooked to it :(
As I grow older , I got myself in trouble with the cops . Twice .
Once was with the narcotics of Damansara Utama Balai and the second time was with the cops of Brickfields and PJ State .
My boyfriend ( Jiat ) always said that there are nice friends out there , just that it depends on who you mix with , but I still find that a bullshit .
When I got caught the first time , it was something to do with drugs , ONLY my DAD stood up for me and helped me settled everything .
NOBODY STOOD BY MYSIDE . I was suspended from school and had no school to go , I had no true friends , I only had my drugs with me . And guess what , my teachers were the one who reported me .
The second time I got caught , was midnight ..of a fine night .. I was innocent , in a STOLEN vehicle thanks to somebodeee .
And when the police requested for bribe , NOBODY except S****, E****** and K*** S**** came to my aid . They helped me settle RM1k .
That is why I NEVER trust nobody now and I think you all should do the same . There is no such thing as friends forever , cause the person closest to you might be the one who set you up :)
or maybe it’s just too much for me to handle at such a young age .
SIGH is all I can say .